


When fangs are the vampire equivalent of dicks

by ILikeMackerel



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Character Turned Into Vampire, Humanstuck, I don’t think any archive warnings apply but there’s kinda vivid neck biting I guess, M/M, Vampire Bites, Vampire Dave Strider, Vampire Turning, Vampirism, also rated mature because they swear constantly, because yk. vampires, but there’s no nsfw other than like making out don’t worry, kinda??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:26:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23853028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILikeMackerel/pseuds/ILikeMackerel
Summary: It was a sunny day after school, and here Karkat was sitting cornered behind the school by a vampire.Dave’s cold fingers brushed the side of Karkat’s face, coaxing him to look at him. He chuckled when Karkat continued to refuse to look him in the eye.“Scared?”
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 7
Kudos: 57





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PlantedBoi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlantedBoi/gifts).



> this is half crack that I took seriously and I wrote this because my friends dared me at 3am. The title was also made at 3am as a joke but it has a tiny bit of relevance later. Yes it’s a slowburn.

It was a sunny day after school, and here Karkat was sitting cornered behind the school by a vampire.

Dave’s cold fingers brushed the side of Karkat’s face, coaxing him to look at him. He chuckled when Karkat continued to refuse to look him in the eye.

“Scared?”

“What?” Karkat bristled and finally faced him. “Of course I’m not fuckass, why the fuck would I be scared?”

Dave twirled a lock of Karkat’s hair between two fingers, and let a small puff of air escape his nose in the form of a laugh. “Oh of course, sorry I almost forgot. Why would you, the leader of the schools unofficial vampire hater club, be scared of a little vampire like me?”

Karkat huffed and looked away, batting Daves hand away from his hair. “Whatever, I shouldn’t even be here right now. Like you said, I’m the leader of the schools vampire  _hunter_ club,” he corrected him, “which IS official even if the school calls it bullshit. I should have killed you or captured you by now- remind me why the fuck I’m still here?”

Dave shrugged, “entranced by my vampire charm?”

Karkat rolled his eyes, “entranced my ass, where’s a stake when you need one?” He started to get up from his spot on the grass before Dave apparently had other plans, grabbing at his hand and pulling him back down.

“C’mon, I just wanna talk.” He pouted, which was definitely way too soft of an expression to see on a vampire.

“Whatever asshole. Couldn’t this wait for another time, or perhaps never? You’re genuinely lucky I haven’t called my club to come kill you yet.”

Dave snorted, “Why haven’t you done it then anyways?”

Karkat sneered, “I don’t have to explain my reasonings to you, just shut up and say whatever you needed to say already.”

“Bit contradictory to shut up but also talk.”

“Just shut UP,” Karkat groaned, almost at the point of yelling. “I don’t have time for this shit, I’ve got to get home already.”

Dave leaned back, finally getting semi-out of Karkat’s personal space bubble. “Alright, I’ll let you go.”

Karkat pinched the bridge of his nose. “For the love of- fine! I’m leaving now.”

Dave sat back on his heels and put his hands up in mock surrender as he watched Karkat stand up and brush dirt off of him. “Alright.”

“Don’t bother following me home unless you want whats coming to you.”

“I won’t.”

“Don’t talk to me again.”

“Alright.”

Karkat’s eyebrows twitched as Dave became so complacent suddenly, before giving up the fight and finally stomping away to go back home, muttering obscenities all the while.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day Karkat found himself yet again being pulled away after school by the vampire. No matter how much Karkat tried to pull away, Dave’s firm grip on his hand stayed. (Karkat made a mental note,  _ Vampires do have super strength? _ ). 

Finally, they had reached their destination behind the school, and Dave turned around to face him. Karkat, however, had countered by taking out the spray bottle he put in his backpack for this specific occasion. He then promptly sprayed Dave directly in the face, excluding his eyes covered by sunglasses.

Dave stood there for a second, processing the unexpected assault.

“...Hey. What the fuck?”

Karkat’s brows furrowed as he chewed on his lip. “Goddamnit. I thought that would have worked.”

“Was that supposed to be like...” he wiped some of the spray from his cheek, “holy water?”

Karkat groaned. “Yea. Yea it was.”

Dave snickered, “so I take you get all of your source material from Twilight?”

“What? Of course not asshole! Many sources have claimed that vampires are... I don’t know, allergic to holy water or something!”

“Yea, that’s dumb, so I’m gonna leave now.”

“Wait, you’re just gonna pull me away and then leave again? Listen fucker-“

Dave had already begun walking away, before turning to interrupt Karkat. “I gotta go dry off, I thought that was the point of the water? To get rid of me?”

“Yea but it didn’t work the way I had hoped and now you’re just being fucking obnoxious about it!”

Dave’s response however was nothing but a childish flip of the bird, leaving Karkat to groan and mutter angrily as he stomped his way back home.

———

The third day was a Wednesday, the very day Karkat hosted the Vampire Hunting Club. Hopefully, with the fact that he was staying longer at school, and with the protection of many other vampire hunters, Dave would not pull him away again. Also, because his older brother refused to let him bring a stake to school.

The club lasted for an hour, Karkat again rambling about how vampires are the menace and more ways to get rid of them.

He found himself never mentioning Dave. In all honesty, it’s not like he could. He thinks he wants to investigate more himself, see what the guy wanted. Either that, or he wanted to kill him himself. He’s incredibly indecisive.

After the club ended he started to walk home, thankful that there had been no sign of Dave this time. Honestly, he didn’t know what he’d do if he had to keep making excuses every day to his Dad about why he was getting home so late.

However, right before he could step onto his lawn, he yet again found himself being pulled away by the wrist.

“Did you fucking follow me home?”

“Maybe.”

“Oh my fucking god. What could be so fucking important that you’ve had to antagonize me for for the past two days?”

Dave, frustratingly enough, was silent however as he continued to pull Karkat along.

Finally, just as Karkat was about to start complaining again, Dave pulled him behind a Mini Mart a few blocks away from his house. Karkat eyed his surroundings suspiciously, trying to see if there was a way to escape if necessary. When he slowly realized that there were none other than the way they came, he started to get nervous.

“What the fuck are we doing here?”

Dave sighed and turned to him. “Well, we couldn’t just be out in open could we?”

As soon as Dave let go of Karkat’s wrist Karkat pulled it back, rubbing it a little bit and taking a step back. “Listen, if this is about some creepy vampire cult shit, you can expect to be dead by morning.”

Dave outright snorted at that, readjusting his sunglasses. “Nah, don’t worry, that’s not what this is about.”

Karkat eyed him suspiciously. “Then what _is_ this about? What could possibly be so fucking important?”

He scratched at his neck, and if Karkat had known any better he could have said he looked embarrassed. 

“Man, it’s kinda weird to say.”

“What?”

“Well, I wanna suck your blood.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah, a cliffhanger.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super sorry this took so long! I had a bunch of research I wanted to do for this chapter and the next one.  
> Ive also made a spotify playlist that goes along this fic in case anyone wants it!  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0G3EBNab14Fpyh4bgNmSwZ?si=W9F4glkiTEO8kLv2LrPNnA

Karkat felt the blood drain from his face as his eyes widened. “I’m sorry, you want to what?”

“I wanna suck your blood. What else would I want?”

Karkat’s eyebrows furrowed. “Listen, like I said before, there is no way I’m letting you turn me into some freaky vampire or some shit-“

Dave groaned, interrupting Karkat. “I’m not turning you into a vampire dude, that’s not the point here.”

“Well what is the point? Because frankly I don’t think you even have one.”

“Listen man, for just one single moment. I don’t want to turn you into a vampire or anything, I swear. Honestly, you’d probably seriously kill me then and that’s not cool. Sucking your blood on the other hand, is very cool because I mean... you know about your blood type right?”

Karkat stiffened, “What about it?” His father was always secret about his blood, annoyingly so. Sometimes, he was even prevented from going on school field trips because the permission slip required his blood type, and his father stubbornly refused despite his pleading.

“Yea, your bloods got some weird mutation that causes it to be super rare, and like super valuable. And to vampires, that shit is like caviar. In all honesty, it’s amazing that you’ve even survived this far. I mean, that’s probably because of your dad n’ shit, y’know. Being a priest sure fucking does help being anti-vampire.”

Karkat sighed, his shoulders releasinga bit of tension, as he started to think about the silver cross necklace his dad used to force him to wear, up until about a month ago when he threw it out the car window during an argument. It was supposed to “ward off evil” as his dad warned. Karkat thought it was stupid. His brows furrowed as he realized he was the idiot, now.

“I don’t care how ‘delicious’ my blood may be, you’re not having it. Now that that’s out of the way, can I finally leave?”

Dave’s hands flinched for a single second, barely noticeable if Karkat hadn’t been watching him closely to look out for any danger. He pushed his sunglasses a little higher up on his nose to seemingly distract from the twitch and regain his cool... until he spoke again.

“Aw man, what?” he asked, his tone bordering on a whine. “C’mon, I asked nicely.”

Karkat stifled a snort, looking at the whole situation he had realized he had gotten himself into. “Yea, no fucking way. You’re a fucking vampire, as if you haven’t forgotten! I don’t trust you for shit.”

“C’mon dude, I’m super hungry. You gotta let me.” If Karkat knew any better, and if Dave’s face hadn’t been seamlessly void of emotion, he would have said he almost sounded desperate. Pleading.

“Yea, I don’t give a shit. I’m leaving.”

He didn’t stay to listen to Dave’s continuous rambling excuses, and left to find his way back home again.

Later that day, Karkat found himself rethinking Dave’s words. Not the blood sucking bit, of course. He’d never subject himself to that. He more-so started to think about the part about his dad. Maybe that silver cross necklace  _ did _ actually help with the vampires, none had ever seemed to take interest in him until he abandoned it. He decided to ask his dad over dinner about getting a new one. After choking on his food for a second, he seemed happy enough to oblige, thinking Karkat had finally rekindled with his religion. He hadn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is short! Because I took forever to update I decided to post some of what I have and then leave the part I was writing for the next chapter!  
> Also, yes I did get the blood mutation thing from My Babysitters a Vampire.


End file.
